Top 10 Reasons why Jared Lander should go back to school for his Docorate

Jared Lander rose to fame as the Predictive Pizza Guy, but he only took his academic pursuits up to the Masters Level at Columbia ( I believe Columbia awarded me a Master's Degree when they asked me to leave and never return). Over the past couple of weeks a number of people have said to me that Jared should return to school to complete his education. Their arguments, although persuasive, were purely academic, and I do not believe they would have much traction with someone whose fame has burned so brightly as a result of Pizza. So I have compiled a top ten list of reasons that might inspire Jared to return to the academic world:

10. PhD students do not pay tuition.
9.   If you a starving graduate student, you friends will pay for your drinks.
8.   As a PhD candiate you can play of the University Club Hockey Team.
7.   Since you wrote your Master thesis on Pizza, you can write your Doctoral thesis on some other vice like booze or women.
6.   You get summers off to go to Asia to meet women who are your "type".
5.   Your parents will continue to support you while you complete your education no matter how long that might take.
4.   As a Doctoral candidate in a Math or Engineering Field you are highly likely to be surrounded by female students that are your "type".
3.  Every Jewish Mother wants their son to be a "doctor".
2.  Your parents will not pressure you to get married before you complete your education.
1.  Chicks dig the Doctorate.